Have network, will travel! Thanks coreplayer2! It went smoothly, for a moment I thought I did something wrong when it initially believed I had no wifi card, but after a reboot it worked just perfectly.
About your suggestion about the Xvesa extension, isn't it already loaded? I mean, it loads an Xvesa extension on boot...
So far what I've tried: installing xf86 nouveau driver, which didn't help the situation any for either Xvesa or Xorg, installed the graphics-KERNEL packages, which likewise didn't change the errors at all. I did however do the "Xorg -nolisten tcp" thingy which pointed me at the log file:
[ 310.957] (EE) [drm] Failed to open DRM device for pci:0000:02:00.0: -19
[ 310.957] (EE) open /dev/dri/card0: No such file or directory
[ 310.957] (WW) Falling back to old probe method for modesetting
[ 310.957] (EE) open /dev/dri/card0: No such file or directory
[ 310.958] (EE) Screen 0 deleted because of no matching config section.
[ 310.958] (II) UnloadModule: "modesetting"
[ 310.958] (II) Loading sub module "vbe"
[ 310.958] (II) LoadModule: "vbe"
[ 310.958] (II) Loading /usr/local/lib/xorg/modules/libvbe.so
[ 310.958] (II) Module vbe: vendor="X.Org Foundation"
[ 310.958] compiled for 1.19.5, module version = 1.1.0
[ 310.958] ABI class: X.Org Video Driver, version 23.0
[ 310.958] (II) Loading sub module "int10"
[ 310.958] (II) LoadModule: "int10"
[ 310.958] (II) Loading /usr/local/lib/xorg/modules/libint10.so
[ 310.958] (II) Module int10: vendor="X.Org Foundation"
[ 310.958] compiled for 1.19.5, module version = 1.0.0
[ 310.958] ABI class: X.Org Video Driver, version 23.0
[ 310.958] (II) VESA(0): initializing int10
[ 310.959] (EE) VESA(0): V_BIOS address 0xd00 out of range
[ 310.960] (II) UnloadModule: "vesa"
[ 310.960] (II) UnloadSubModule: "int10"
[ 310.960] (II) Unloading int10
[ 310.960] (II) UnloadSubModule: "vbe"
[ 310.960] (II) Unloading vbe
[ 310.960] (EE) Screen(s) found, but none have a usable configuration.
[ 310.960] (EE)
Fatal server error:
[ 310.960] (EE) no screens found(EE)
Which /appears/ to mean that there's a configuration error? The BIOS out of range thing is also peculiar. When I ran "Xvesa -modelist" it gave a similar error about something out of range ROM, which I stupidly forgot to note down...