Yeah, it was just a matter of juggling too many variables and dead ends that finally came together with my pile of uefi hardware that acts differently from each other. Once I settled on the Intel NUC being the final arbiter of what was going on, it became apparent.
In a nutshell:
1) The current iso as it is presents itself as an "optical" disk, whether you actually burn to optical media, or burn to a usb stick.
2) Legacy computers can boot to optical by default, unless steps are taken to block it. The sledge-hammer approach recommended everywhere was to disable uefi and put your machine into legacy / csm. So yeah, that works, (if your box can do that), but is like throwing the baby out with the bathwater.
3) UEFI-only boxes may or may not boot optical media. The tendency is to NOT boot optical media, however manufacturers CAN override this as a default, and as such, some users may face no issues and think I'm going on a rant for no reason.
4) Ultra-modern things like uefi-only mini-pc's, or conventional laptops made within the last decade, tend not to have any options for enabling booting from optical media. Kind of like asking a car-salesman where the cd/dvd player is on the dashboard, and finding out they haven't supplied that since 2011.
5) Secure-boot conspiracies. Usually mixed in with any mention of UEFI. Easily defeatable by the consumer. AND, depending on where you get your machine, it might not even be enabled when you get it! Secure-boot usually takes the booting discussion way off the rails.
6) Most modern distro's build their iso's so that they do not present themselves as optical media. But the modern user doesn't know that the TC distro does, and may run into problems, and be guided down total dead ends and other conspiracy theories.
I'm just glad I figured it out so I can take the proper steps to handle it.
Re: tape booting? Everyone knows that real computer operators toggle their bootloader in by themselves in octal with switches on the front panel. Maybe that's the ultimate retro-solution!